February 11, 2014
King Barack Hussein Obama, The Tyrant From Chi-Town, Orders All Dissenters Arrested (SATIRE)
Shit just got real.
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January 15, 2014
Terrorists Take Note: You’ve Got A Friend In West Virginia (SATIRE)
Note to terrorists: You have a friend in West Virginia.
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November 18, 2013
It Turns Out Conservatives Were Right About The War On Christmas
In a big “I told you so” moment for the few conservatives left standing, evil has triumphed, and all is gone.
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October 28, 2013
Washington Redskins Name Change Allows Continued Use Of ‘The Skins’
With growing calls from the public and prominent Native American organizations, Washington’s NFL franchise has bowed to pressure and will change their nickname of over 80 years. During a press conference from FedExField, team owner Daniel Snyder stunned the sports world with a dramatic reversal of his previous stance.
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October 26, 2013
House Republicans Vote To Replace Minimum Wage With Mandatory Employment
CAPITOL HILL — In an unexpected early morning session, House Republicans passed a bill on a party-line vote that will abolish the minimum wage and replace it with what GOP leaders are officially calling Requisite Recruitment. The bill makes employment mandatory for all adult citizens aged 18 to 65. And a provision in the bill calls for compulsory employment beyond retirement age when deemed necessary by an oversight committee, which will also be responsible for suggesting the penalties for non-compliance.
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October 24, 2013
GOP To Test New Obamacare Repeal Strategy
CAPITOL HILL — After a failed attempt to defund or repeal Obamacare with a government shutdown, and after over forty symbolic repeal votes in the House, Republicans are signaling a tonal shift. With public approval of the Republican Party at historic lows, GOP leaders will roll out a brand new Obamacare repeal strategy they believe Americans will find more amiable. Instead of another plan to hold the country hostage, Republican lawmakers will instead hold their breath, and some may also stomp their feet, and they will not give up until President Obama finally indicates a willingness to be reasonable and work with Republicans to dismantle his signature legislative achievement. But behind closed doors, some reluctant Republicans admit this new strategy is not without risk.
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October 23, 2013
House Speaker John Boehner Mysteriously Begins Prefacing Everything He Says With ‘The American People’
WASHINGTON — In a bizarre turn of events after the recent Republican-led government shut down, House Speaker John Boehner has curiously begun prefacing every complete thought with the phrase “The American people.” During a closed-door breakfast meeting with high-ranking Republican officials, an anonymous source confirmed to The Left Call that at one point during the meeting the Speaker started mumbling incoherently before weeping uncontrollably into his Corn Flakes. “Everything was perfectly normal when all of a sudden the Speaker produced a gavel, banged it on the table, and started talking quietly to himself,” said the anonymous source. “I couldn’t make out what he was saying, I’m not sure if it was even English. Then the room got really quiet, and before we could get a grip on what was happening he started crying over his bowl of cereal.”
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October 22, 2013
Government Offers Reasonably Priced ACA Collector’s Edition In Lieu Of Actual Affordable Care
WASHINGTON, DC — Glitches in the federal health care exchange website (healthcare.gov) have prompted the Obama administration to offer an alternative to the affordable health care promised under the new law, at least temporarily. To demonstrate their ability to offer an affordable product, anything really, the White House released this statement today to appease Republicans on Capitol Hill and the tens of millions of Americans who still do not have access to affordable health care insurance.
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