September 1, 2012 by David K. Sutton
Real Time with Bill Maher: Highlights from Episode 257, August 31, 2012
Highlights from Real Time with Bill Maher – Episode 257, August 31, 2012
Jason Alexander – Actor
Soledad O’Brien – CNN Anchor
Dinesh D’Souza – “Obama 2016” Writer and Director
Ron Christie – Conservative pundit, author of “Blackwards”
Walter Kirn – New Republic Columnist
Bill Maher monologue highlights
(referring to Clint Eastwood’s RNC speech)
Please sit — Sit — Sit before one of these empty chairs tells me to go fuck myself.
First I want to tell you the good news, Louisiana knee-deep in water, but this time the levees held from the big hurricane. — applause — That’s good. — However, Tampa, Florida this week nearly drowned in bullshit. — laughter —
But of course what everybody is talking about today is — Clint Eastwood last night at the Republican Convention, came out and did ten minutes of wing-nut improv. — laughter — Uh, and it was kind of metaphor, I thought, for the entire Republican Party: A confused old person yelling at something that doesn’t exist. — laughter & applause —
Didn’t you love that part where Clint pretended he was talking to an invisible Obama? And this Obama was not a nice guy. This Obama was telling Romney to go fuck himself. — laughter — Isn’t that something, even people — Bill laughs — even people who don’t exist hate Mitt Romney. — laughter & applause — I feel bad for Mitt Romney. Poor Mitt Romney, then he had to follow that, and Mitt you know is a little stiff, he makes Al Gore look like James Brown at the Apollo. — laughter — After five minutes the crowd was chanting, “Bring back the chair!” — laughter —
Alexandra Pelosi video segment from Republican National Convention in Tampa, FL
Pelosi: What’s the most important issue of this election?
Woman #1: Defeat Obama
Pelosi: Why does “O” have to go?
Young child (wearing “O’s GOTTA GO!” sign on his back): I don’t know
Child’s father: haha, Not good for America.
Woman #2: Go back to Kenya, because you’re turning the United States of America, not into the USA, but the United States…USSA, Socialist America.
Man #1: I think he’s backed by Islam. I think he’s a Muslim. I think he has too many ties to the Muslims and the Muslim nation, and I think he knew all about 9/11 before it happened. That’s what I think.
Pelosi: You sound crazy.
Man: Yeah, I’m talkin’ to the liberal media.
Pelosi: What do you think of Mitt Romney?
Woman #1: You know what…he’s makin’, he must have put on some deodorant, because he’s smellin’ better.
Pelosi: What do you think of Mitt Romney?
Woman #2: I think he is a good Christian man.
Pelosi: He’s a Mormon, he’s not a Christian.
Woman #2: I don’t know much about the Mormon religion, but he has God in his heart. I am a Tea-vangelical. No more dead babies. And God back in this country. Economics, education, it’s all to the wayside, if we don’t get Jesus and God back in this country, we can just all say goodbye.
Pelosi: What influence has the Tea Party had on Romney?
Woman #1: I think it straightened him out.
Pelosi: So if Romney wasn’t your first, second or third choice, how did you make peace with him?
Man #2: I think with his selection of Ryan, uh, that solidified his thinking. The Republican Party is trying to hijack the Tea Party.
Woman #2: Onward Christian soldiers. We are going to march for Jesus. God forbid he get re-elected, there will be civil war again in this country. Good against evil. Yes against No. I am the Party of No. And when we say no – we mean no.
Sit down with Dinesh D’Souza – “Obama 2016” Writer and Director – highlights
Bill: Look, we had that tape to run (Pelosi video), we didn’t do it before we brought you out to load the issue, but I do have to say, these are probably the people [people in video] that are going to see your movie. Does that make you proud?
Dinesh: Well, I don’t think it is, uh, look we will be happy to have them come see the movie, but look, uh…
Bill: You disavow those people?
Dinesh: Well, I’m not a birther. Um, I don’t say that Obama is a secret Muslim.
Dinesh: What’s interesting about this movie is it’s following Obama’s life, and we use Obama’s own voice. So we actually let Obama tell his own story.
Bill: You say he’s filled with rage, and I noticed that was a theme of Clint Eastwood’s performance last night too, he kept talking to the invisible guy who kept saying things like “go fuck yourself.” But the real Obama I’ve never seen do anything like that.
Dinesh: Well, there’s Clint Eastwood rage — Dirty Harry — uh, there’s Charles Bronson rage, vigilante rage. It’s a different kind of rage — sublimated.
Bill: Where do you get Obama’s rage?
Dinesh: Let’s look at an example, health care. Obama had a plan, and Republicans had a summit with Obama and they offered a lot of ideas. Obama could have taken one or two Republican ideas and had a bipartisan plan.
Bill: Actually he did.
Bill: The whole thing is a Republican idea. Are you kidding? — applause — You know what?
Bill: Wait a second. The whole thing is a Republican idea. It’s the old Bob Dole plan from the 90s. A Democrat idea would be at least a public option, but really a liberal idea would be a single payer plan. — applause — This is a business friendly plan, that does not take over the health care system, that uses business…. it’s a big blow job to the insurance companies is what it is. — applause — So how can you say it’s not a Republican idea?
Dinesh: Going back to the 1950s we have not had a major social program that did not get a single vote from the other party. Now you can just say it’s the bad Republicans…
Bill: Clinton’s tax hike.
Dinesh: Clinton’s tax hike got some Republican votes. (Dinesh is wrong. The Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act of 1993 did not get any Republican votes in the Senate or the House.)
Bill: No, I don’t think it got…
Dinesh: Obama’s plan got not a single Republican vote, so I’m saying Obama could have gotten some votes, but he didn’t care because to him Republicans are the bad guys. So that’s what I mean. He campaigned as a healer, as a bipartisan guy, but he hasn’t governed that way.
(There is not an ounce of true to what Dinesh has said up to this point. I think you get the gist of this segment. Later on Maher gets a bit petty when he calls out Dinesh — over 10 years removed — for not standing up for him during his fallout with ABC show Politically Incorrect.)
The panel highlights
Bill Maher: So let me ask this panel, do you think we’ve ever seen lies like this [from politicians like Paul Ryan and Mitt Romney]? Because it’s one thing to slant things, all politicians do that, but to just pull out of your ass…I mean Mitt Romney went through…Obama ‘s apologizing around the world — Fact checkers: no — Raising taxes on the middle class — Not true — Cutting defense — He’s only raised it. — Uh, you know, wrecked our credit rating — Welfare work requirement…he got rid of that — No, he didn’t do that — Robbing Medicare… Just a series of total lies. Have we seen this before?
Soledad O’Brien: I don’t know if we’ve seen it before, but what I think you are seeing is people trying to get control of the message, that sort of the veracity doesn’t matter, right? If you can just say it and say it often, say it enough, and say it loud enough, and just keep repeating it and have everyone around you repeating it, then eventually it becomes true. I think that we’ve seen that a lot in this campaign.
(Yeah, a lot on the Republican side. All politicians are guilty of stretching the truth, but Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan have redefined what it means to campaign. No truth required.)
Bill Maher: Well now you’re describing what Hitler did. I’m not saying the Republicans are Hitler, but Hitler famously said the big lie works and the little lie doesn’t.
Ron Christie: Well I think the big lie here is we need to fact check the fact checkers. (Ugh) The fact of the matter is the media has been running around — audience disapproval — the media has been running around saying Paul Ryan has been lying. The fact of the matter is this: President Obama and his plan Obamacare took $716 billion out under Medicare Advantage, he took it out of hospitals, and he took it out of the insurance program, and he programmed that into Obamacare. That’s true. (Actually, this is what is true.)
Jason Alexander: It’s also, I think George Orwell in 1985  predicted what we are now in, you know he had a civilization that said, “we’re at war with Eurasia, ” and then big brother said, “we’re not at war with Eurasia, we’re at war with Eastasia, we’ve never been at war with Eurasia.” And the population went, “ok.” That’s where we are. We have a population that is so ill-informed and misinformed, uh, in our cycle of 24 hours…
Bill Maher: Low information voters.
Jason Alexander: Low information…
Bill Maher: Otherwise known as idiots.
Jason Alexander: That’s right.
Bill Maher: Low information voters, I love that term.
— applause —
Soledad O’Brien: It’s complicated. In order to do that fact checking you have to go through and read line-by-line the Congressional Budget Office report. You have to refer to the law. You have to go through the Tax Policy Center…it’s very hard. And I think if you’re a person at home that has Medicaid, and you are trying to figure out, so am I going to lose my Medicare under this, or am I going to lose my Medicare under that? It’s very complicated.
Jason Alexander: Cut to the quick of it. At the heart of it, at the heart, any way you want to describe it, any way you want to slant it, Ryan [Paul Ryan] doesn’t like Medicare. He doesn’t like entitlement programs. That’s their platform. He doesn’t like Social Security. He doesn’t like Medicare. He’s not “pro” the program. So he’s not going to do much to help the program because he doesn’t believe in the program.
(Jason hits the nail on the head. That’s why Republicans are full of shit when it comes to talking about Medicare or Social Security. They have shown time and time again throughout the history of these programs that they want to kill them. They are not the protectors of Medicare and Social Security. They do not believe in the honoring the promise of Medicare, to paraphrase Paul Ryan.)
Bill Maher: Alright, let me ask about this. Ann Romney, did you see that speech? Did you know that the Romney’s were so poor when they were young? — laughter — Could you believe this? She talked about how they lived in the basement. Their desk was a door on two sawhorses. She said that they ate dinner on an ironing board, I’m not kidding, and then she would clear the table and iron their money. — laughter — I mean, who are they kidding? His father was the governor. Her father was the major. And yet they’re eating rats by flashlight, Mitt had to play piano in a whore house. — laughter — I’m just asking, did anybody buy that? Did you know that they were that poor?
Jason Alexander: If you want to use what they got, talk about: I came from wealth, I understand success, I understand business, I understand…I want everyone in America to have the kind of life I have, and I have plans to help you get there. Use what you’ve got. But don’t paint yourself as something you’re not. It’s completely disingenuous.
Bill Maher: First of all, you’re an ex-Mormon, this is one reason why we thought it would be very interesting to talk to you right after Mitt Romney was nominated. We thought…the advertisement right before the convention was that they were going to be a lot more upfront about the Mormonism. We didn’t really hear about it, did we?
Walter Kirn: Not a lot, and I thought actually in his speech when he talked about people caring more about what sports team he a supported then his church, I thought he actually flinched it away. He buried it.
Bill Maher: My theory about Mitt Romney is that he is sort of what Kennedy was in the 60s. He had a father who wanted to be president, just like Kennedy, and Joe Kennedy as we all know wanted to be president for one reason above all: that the Catholics, he thought, really were not going to ever be accepted fully in American until they had one in the White House. And when he couldn’t do it, he sent his son to do it. And I think Mitt Romney is the same thing. I think what motivates him above all is: Mormons are not going to be accepted fully, my people are not going to arrive until we put one in the White House.
Walter Kirn: Oh, I think he’s a little more selfish than that.
— laughter —
Bill Maher: Me too, I was just testing you Walter.
New Rules highlights[LOAN SNARK] New Rule: The big banks need to stop figuring out ways for us to hate them more. This new Wells Fargo ad asks: What is Wells Fargo doing to help the local economy? Answer: They’ve loaned money to small businesses. — Which sounds great until you remember, they’re a bank, that’s what banks do. — laughter — It’s like Charmin running an ad saying we’re helping the local community by selling something to wipe your ass with. — laughter — [ERECTION FRAUD] New Rule: Never buy something just because it says “Satisfaction Guaranteed.” For example, these boner pills are guaranteed to work, or your money will be cheerfully refunded by the cute girl at the Walgreens who now knows that your penis doesn’t work. — laughter — [BOURBON RENEWAL] New Rule: Southern Comfort’s new Bold Black Cherry flavor must be renamed: Uncle Zeb’s Accidental Baby-Makin’ Juice — laughter — [THE BORN IDENTITY] New Rule: Paul Ryan has to show us his birth certificate. — laughter and applause — Hear me out. — He’s an Ayn Ran fanatic, who lifts weights every day, and he worships Led Zeppelin. I’m not worried that he was born overseas, I’m worried that he’s 17. [RECALL ME MAYBE] And finally, New Rule: Republicans don’t have to accept evolution, economics, climatology or human sexuality, but I just watched a week of their national convention and I need them to admit the historical existence of George W. Bush. — cheers and applause — If your party can run the nation for 8 years and then have a national convention and not invite: Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Karl Rove or Tom Delay — you’re not a political movement, you’re the witness protection program. — laughter — (not the complete final New Rule)