January 15, 2014 by Raff "The Inkslinger" Hetzron
Terrorists Take Note: You’ve Got A Friend In West Virginia (SATIRE)
Note to terrorists: You have a friend in West Virginia.
Because in West Virginia, hell, in most of America, we’ve made it easy for you to secretly plot your next attack. Forget about elaborate plans and complicated incursions that pose a higher risk to you and not your intended target.
Here’s what you need to do. Simply start up a petroleum or coal business. Slap up a few cheap makeshift chemical storage containers (don’t worry, they hardly inspect these things), preferably right next to a river, and upstream to the drinking water supply. Be sure to call your new company something covert like Patriot Chemicals or Freedom Industries (Oops, that last one is already taken…Oh crap, so has the first one!), and then just wait for the magic to happen.
Before you know it, you will be exacting your revenge on The Great Satan, polluting the drinking water of thousands of local residents. And all of this is made possible by The Great Satan’s love of free market capitalism, and all of the arrogance that comes with it.
P.S. And drink up for your health!