It Turns Out Conservatives Were Right About The War On Christmas

In a big “I told you so” moment for the few conservatives left standing, evil has triumphed, and all is gone.

Evil wins war on christmas

Fox News pundits and conservative patriots put forth a valiant effort, but in the end the forces of immorality, wickedness and depravity have destroyed all that is sacred. The War On Christmas is lost.

It started with conventional weapons, with the first bombs coinciding with the earliest displays of Christmas consumerism. And then it happened, they took out the Rockefeller Christmas Tree, then they took Steve Doocy hostage while he was innocently making his morning tea.

Steve doocy tea bag

And then they forced Brian Kilmeade into a sugar-induced coma to protest NYC Mayor Bloomberg’s ban on large sodas.

Brian kilmeade bobby moynihan big gulp

But then it got real ugly when the wicked began using chemical weapons right at the height of the Christmas shopping season, compounding the usual anxiety of finding just the right gift for that special someone.

Christmas chemical warfare

But Christmas fought back, winning a few battles along the way, with Saint Nicholas himself unleashing, dare we say it, a hell fury of immense proportions.

Santa power

But alas it was too late, as the last courageous and fearless fighters of good laid down their arms and surrendered. The Left Call has exclusive (but graphic) evidence of the defeat. Be warned, you may want to usher the children out of the room…

Conservatives admit defeat war on christmas

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SATIRE

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