October 22, 2013 by Raff "The Inkslinger" Hetzron
Government Offers Reasonably Priced ACA Collector’s Edition In Lieu Of Actual Affordable Care
WASHINGTON, DC — Glitches in the federal health care exchange website (healthcare.gov) have prompted the Obama administration to offer an alternative to the affordable health care promised under the new law, at least temporarily. To demonstrate their ability to offer an affordable product, anything really, the White House released this statement today to appease Republicans on Capitol Hill and the tens of millions of Americans who still do not have access to affordable health care insurance.
The White House
Office of the Press Secretary
For Immediate Release – October 22, 2013
We know you are frustrated with the new federal health care exchange website, and nobody is more frustrated than President Barack Obama. That’s why the White House and congressional Democrats are extending the following offer to the millions of Americans unable to purchase affordable health care insurance.
The Affordable Care Act is not just a law, it’s also a collectible item. Yes, that’s right, in lieu of purchasing an affordable health care plan, you can opt instead to purchase your very own copy of the law Republicans affectionately refer to as Obamacare. We cannot guarantee successful completion of your health care insurance enrollment at this time, so the least we can do is offer you the legislative text, spelling out in clear and concise English exactly how everything was supposed to work, and all for the special low introductory price of $49.95.
For less than a family trip to the local cineplex you can own a piece of history, with proceeds offsetting the cost of late night coding sessions and energy drinks for private contracted programmers working diligently towards a successful re-launch of healthcare.gov, hopefully before you are eligible for Medicare. “With your purchase of The Affordable Care Act Collector’s Edition, you are helping us achieve the dream of offering affordable health care to all Americans,” said President Obama during a press briefing at the White House. “But before we can make that dream a reality, we just have a few kinks that need to be worked out. By purchasing this ACA collectible, you are showing your support of this important endeavor.”
The Affordable Care Act Collector’s Edition comes in a color-coded five volume set, sure to be the showpiece of any home library.
Government operators are standing by to take your calls. If you are a Republican, or if you would simply like to bypass government bureaucrats, you can instead place your order through a private contracted call center operator. Please be aware there will be an additional “value add” service fee of $14.99 for the privilege of having the invisible hand of the free market service your order.
Please act now while supplies last!
Altered image “borrowed” from beckyhiggins.com