Michele Bachmann wants to Spank President Obama

Let’s assume for a second, that Bachmann wasn’t expressing some deeply buried sexual frustration in her recent statements about the president. Michele Bachmann seems to think that everything in the world is analogous to parenting, and that she is the parent.

Michele Bachman said, and I’m not making this up, that Obama was going to wave his wand around and turn illegal immigrants into legal voters to help keep the Democratic Party in power. When the president misbehaves like this, she says, he needs to be spanked.

Since spanking the president is even more illegal than threatening to do so, which is already a felony, Bachmann suggests a metaphorical spanking instead. Apparently the best way to spank a president is to take his allowance away.

To explain the power of the purse, one of Congress’ primary checks on the executive branch, in parenting terms is somewhat unorthodox, and seems quite simple-minded considering the seriousness of the situation.

Especially when we consider that there is a huge opportunity cost here. Illegal immigrants not only get paid badly, they get paid tax-free. There are an estimated 11 million unauthorized residents living in the USA who not only cost a lot of money to pursue, but they could be paying taxes.

Let’s keep in mind that Bachmann isn’t asking to cut the funding to PRISM or Guantanamo here. No, she doesn’t concern herself with protecting human rights; let the gay hippy democrats worry about that. What is important to Bachmann is making sure that those pesky working people who pick her fruit and mow her lawn don’t get representation in government. Can’t have those brown Catholics defile her perfect WASP America.

Who are illegal immigrants but productive people, shunted into a lower caste in our society and refused basic human rights in exchange for cheap labor? They work harder than anyone, don’t get police protection, social security, voting rights, or labor laws to protect them, and they get spat on by everyone for good measure.

It’s hard to believe people like this get a say in government at all, but Bachmann has been elected and reelected, even though Minnesota has voted Democratic in every Presidential election since 1972. Who knows, maybe she secretly has David Miscavige twisting arms in the halls of power for her. Greta van Susteren sure seems to like her. It’s a moot point, however, as she won’t be running for re-election in 2014.  Unsurprisingly, she is under investigation for ethical violations in her previous campaign.

Let’s do better America.


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